Make It Happen
by Sonny.With.A.Firefly
Summary: Having broken up with Eli and sick of her parents' fighting, Clare is desperate to do two things:  1. Get Eli to move on.  2. Make her father hate her.  Can the one person she thought she'd never talk to again help her do that?
1. Chapter 1: Get Another Boyfriend

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of its characters. This chapter is named after a song by the Backstreet Boys (don't judge) and the story is named after a song by The Early November.**

**Chapter One: Get Another Boyfriend**

"You're not over Julia."

I wasn't hurt, or at least I tried not to be. I couldn't say I understood, but I knew from the minute I found out about his dead ex-girlfriend that it would take more than a year to recover.

Eli's mouth was open slightly, and he had one hand tangled in his jet-black hair. "Of course not. Clare, I like you. But I can't erase everything Julia and I had. It hurts too much right now." He had extended an arm toward me, but he let it drift slowly back to his side.

"I know. I know all that, I've known it all for a while, and I should've thought about this before we got too close, but..." I trailed off, feeling tears form behind my eyes.

His emotions visibly changed from pleading to denial as he realized what I was doing. "You can't break up with me, Clare." His hands clamped down on my shoulders violently, and although it didn't hurt, the desperation in his eyes scared me.

"It's not forever. I do want to be with you, Eli. But I can't, not until I'm sure you're ready." I pressed my lips lightly to his cheek and lifted my bag from his bed, resting it on my shoulder. "Goodbye." I could feel him watching me, but I didn't dare look back and risk him seeing the tears that had now spilled over.

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Hey, Little Edwards!" Peter threw the rag he'd been using over his shoulder and walked over to the table where I sat alone. "Can I get you anything?"

"Uh, just a Coke, thanks." I was too deep in thought to even look at Peter, let alone eat. I brushed a cinnamon curl from my eyes and chewed absentmindedly on my bottom lip.

"Are you okay?" He sank into the seat across from me, a worried look flashing on his face. Even after he and Darcy broke up, Peter had maintained a brotherly protectiveness over me. Sometimes it was a little weird – we were never really close – but it was sweet, and with Darcy in Kenya, it was nice to have someone older to look to for advice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, plastering a smile on my face and forcing myself to make eye contact, "Why?" I looked down as he shot me a skeptical look.

"You just look... distracted." He studied me for a minute, and I cringed, knowing I was obviously avoiding his gaze. "Clare, you know you can talk to me, right?" I nodded, but stayed silent, my eyes never leaving the table. "Is this about your parents? Before she left, Darce said they uh... fought. A lot."

"It's not about my parents." Of course, the mentioning of my parents only made me feel worse, and giving up on the act, I placed my head on the table.

"So there _is _something wrong." I lifted my head reluctantly and nodded, still refusing to look at him.

"Yes. I... I broke up with my boyfriend. I'm just not sure it was the greatest idea." He seemed surprised – Eli and I had come to The Dot several times, always looking like a happy couple, I'm sure.

"You two broke up? Wow. Uh." He was at a loss for words, and there was a small silence as he thought about this. "If you're this unsure... why didn't you try to... I don't know, talk about the problem with him?" Peter was obviously uncomfortable with giving guy advice, but at least he was trying.

"I've tried. It's just a... touchy subject." I busied myself with watching the last customer leave, then turned back. "I mean, _I_ want to be with him, but I don't know if he's... fully committed to me."

"He seemed pretty committed whenever I saw you two together... But I guess I don't really know what's going on." We heard the bell ringing as Holly J and Chantay walked in, and Peter gave me an apologetic look.

"Go. Thank you for talking to me, Peter, I really appreciate it." I faked another smile as I got up to leave.

**-!-!-!-!-**

"We have to lay down the law, Helen! This report card is unacceptable!" I quietly inched my way up to my room, leaving the door cracked so I could eavesdrop easily.

"She's been under a lot of stress! You can't expect her to do her best when her father is constantly sneaking off to sleep with his assistant!" I felt shock ripple through me at her last words. So _that _was why they were fighting. My dad was a whore.

"What I do with my spare time has nothing to do with her grades! Clare is the only thing keeping us together, and if she isn't going to be the best she can be, she isn't worth it!" His words were punctuated with the creaking and slamming of a door. I sat stiffly on the edge of my bed, speechless, for a moment before the sobs broke free.

_I'm not worth it, Dad? I'll show you exactly how worthless I can be._

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Eli, it's been _one day_. I haven't even had time to think, and you certainly haven't either." I kept walking, ignoring him as he jogged to follow my long strides. I finally escaped into the girls' bathroom, catching a glimpse of his defeated look as I locked myself in a stall.

What I really needed was a way to prove to Eli that it was over, that I had moved on (for now at least) and he should too. But I was so innocent – hooking up with a random guy wouldn't work. Obviously, words wouldn't work. But as I walked out, knocking into someone, I realized exactly what would work.

"Oh, sorry, K.C." I kept my eyes locked on his as we both leaned down to pick up our things, looking up at him through my eyelashes as we stood up. "Are you okay?" I twirled a piece of hair around my finger, giving him an overly concerned glance.

"Um, yeah, I'm fine," he replied, shaking his head a little as I slowly ran my tongue along my bottom lip. "Uh, so, how are things? You still with emo boy?"

"He has a name." I realized quickly that I was being my normal self, and quickly remedied that, switching back to a flirty singsong voice. "But we broke up a few days ago. It just... wasn't working out. And how are you and Jenna?" I asked innocently, lightly running my fingers down his arm and smiling as he suppressed a shiver.

"I dumped her. A while ago, actually." I furrowed my brow, and inside I was wondering how he could possible be falling for this.

"Oh. Well then, do you maybe wanna... catch up?" I fluttered my eyelashes just a tiny bit, nibbling on my lip. "After school or something?"

"Yeah, sure, uh...The Dot?" I nodded, and we both smiled and turned to walk in separate directions to our next class.

**Okay, I had to break up Eli and Clare. I'm getting so sick of them. And I miss Peter, so I wanted him in there. And I was watching the episode where KC asks Clare to go to the dance with them and realized they're ADORABLE together, so that was included. **


	2. Chapter 2: We Both Know

**I didn't really like the last chapter, but it was just to set things up so hopefully this'll be better. This chapter is named after a song by Ivoryline. And I know Saint Clare doesn't cuss, so deal with it.**

**Chapter Two: We Both Know**

"So, what happened with you and Jenna?" I asked quietly, sipping my milkshake while I waited for him to answer.

"That's, um, a long story." His eyes darted around the room, everywhere but at me, and I raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"I've got time." I didn't want to get myself into this if I was going to have to deal with Jenna later. I'd just settled our first feud, and another was the last thing I needed – not that I couldn't take Jenna down if I wanted to, because I totally could.

"Well, let's just say... Jenna and I weren't exactly careful in our... uh, sexual... relations." He lowered his head a little, tapping his foot and wiggling his fingers around awkwardly. I couldn't help but let my mouth drop open, and I raised a finger to his chin, lifting his head.

"You got her _pregnant_?" I tried to keep my voice low, but it was hard to do with the shock that was coursing through my veins. "And then left her alone to deal with it?" I soon realized I didn't need to sympathize with Jenna, and that it wouldn't get me anywhere with KC, so trying to level my tone, I continued, "Isn't that a little harsh?"

"I guess. But I can't handle a kid... and she waited until she was 5 months to tell me! I mean, who does that? She couldn't have gotten an abortion, she planned it that way I guess. She wouldn't even listen to me." His nostrils were flaring and I could see his violent streak showing itself, so I laid a hand on his shoulder, looking at him until he locked eyes with me.

"It's her body. If she didn't want an abortion, she wouldn't have listened to you anyway. And I'm not saying you should date her – I doubt she'd want you back anyway after that – but this your kid, too. You need to be there for her." I stared him down until he sighed and nodded. "Good."

"So, what about you and emo boy? You guys always seemed so in love, it was disgusting." He smiled a little, but I could tell he wasn't joking.

"_Eli _and I were just having... commitment problems, I guess. He, um, he wasn't over his ex." I bit my lip – something I'd done quite a lot recently – and hoped he wouldn't ask for details, which, of course, he did.

"His ex? From back in Alberta?" I had to laugh a little at his stupidity.

"Well, Eli is from Quebec, actually, but yes, Julia was from his old home. Their relationship ended... badly, and Eli was really hurt. I figured he needed time to move on." My words spilled awkwardly from my lips, and I never made eye contact with KC.

"I've never understood how any guy can be so heartbroken over a high school crush. It's not like we actually fall in love at this age." I clenched my fists, trying to keep myself calm. Defending Eli too much wouldn't be helpful at all.

"Uh, she died, actually. I think that would probably hurt him even if they were just friends. And from what he's told me, they were as close to in love as two teenagers can get." Eli had never been cautious with what he told me about Julia – I guess he didn't realize that I didn't want to hear all about their relationship.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I-I didn't-" I dismissed it with a wave, chuckling.

"It's fine. But it's almost 6, I told my mom I'd be home a 5:30, I really need to be getting home." I stood up, ready to leave, but he stopped me.

"I had a good time, Clare. It was nice... talking to you again." He smiled cheesily, looking around awkwardly before sticking out his hand.

"Me too," I breathed, taking his hand and pulling him closer to me. We just looked at each other for a minute before I slowly pressed my lips to his, remembering the very first time we'd done this, back when I still had glasses and wore a uniform every day. The kiss was over before I had time to steady myself, and I blinked in surprise when we pulled apart. Even _I _hadn't expected myself to do that. "Well, um, bye, KC."

"See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"You and KC are dating again?"

"Well hello there, Adam. Oh, I'm great, you? That's good." I rolled my eyes, continuing to rearrange the books in my locker, until what he had said sunk in. "WHAT? Dating KC? Where did you _hear _that?"

"KC was bragging about it to a couple of the football players," he said, taking a step back as my eyes bulged out of their sockets and I slammed my hand against a locker. "So... I take it you're _not _dating him."

"Of course not! I mean, I can see how he would be confused, but we haven't even – it was just – ugh! Do you know where he is?"

"Um, probably right outside the gym, that's where I last saw him-" I was already on my way there, and barely heard as he yelled, "Wait, what do you mean you can't see how he would be confused?"

Everything around me was a muted buzz, and obviously seeing the angered expression on my face, people scattered as I walked toward them. I came to the gym, seeing KC and ignoring the people gathered around him. "KC GUTHRIE!" I screamed, pushing him into a wall, "What the _fuck! _We are _not _dating!" I heard his friends snickering, his lie exposed.

"But – but you kissed me," He was blinking rapidly and trying to maintain some dignity, and I backed away from him.

"Once. I kissed you _once_. So I acted on an impulse – that doesn't mean we're freaking dating!" I groaned, snapping at him to fix things, then made my way to English, where I'd have to face Eli.

"You and Guthrie, eh, Blue Eyes?" He laughed, and I glared at him, knowing Adam had probably already explained everything to him.

"Don't call me Blue Eyes, we're _not _dating anymore." I immediately debated whether or not to take it back, and decided against it – Blue Eyes just seemed like too much of a pet nickname.

"I called you Blue eyes way before we started dating, Clare." He smirked – damn him, he knew how irresistible that smirk was. "We can still be friends, can't we?"

"Of course," I sighed, "Sorry. I'm just in a bad mood." Mrs. Dawes walked in, giving me an excuse to duck my head down toward my backpack and end our conversation.

**Wow, something I actually updated in a suitable amount of time for a change. Hope you liked it, review s'il vous plait! :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Breakeven

**This chapter is named after a song by The Script which most of you have probably heard. :P**

**Chapter Three: Breakeven**

"Hey, Clare. How are you doing?" Peter still had his Dot shirt on, but I knew he was just getting off, and he sat next to be at the counter, leaning on one elbow.

"I'm... better. I'm still just confused." Another worker came up to me and I ordered a Coke, turning back to Peter. "Me and Eli are still friends, so that's good..."

"He hasn't relentlessly begged for you to take him back? What kind of bitter ex _is_ he?" I had to laugh a bit, and we smiled at each other before I sighed.

"He tried. I... might not have handled it well." I ran a hand through my hair awkwardly, waiting for him to ask and praying that he wouldn't.

He raised his eyebrows and waited a minute for me to explain before asking, "What do you mean?"

"I kind of... ran into my ex the other day, and, I don't know, I guess I thought if I did something with KC Eli would get the idea and move on. But then we kissed, and I think I might actually still have feelings for him... it's just... ugh."

"Well, you're not dating Eli anymore, so why is that a big deal?" I sighed and shook my head. Men. They're so simple-minded.

"Because. I think I might be in love with Eli. And if I like KC, that's great, but what happens when Eli's ready to be in a relationship with me and I'm with KC? I know it's going to take a while for him to get over Julia's death, but I still want to be single so I can be with him." I was practically tearing my hair out, clutching at it and pulling violently, but it didn't hurt.

"Julia's... death? So, his girlfriend died?" Shit. I forgot I hadn't told him that.

"Um, yeah. That was originally why he wouldn't date me, then he told me he was ready, but... he wasn't. I just don't know if _he _realized it... When I broke up with him, he took it pretty hard. I guess I wasn't expecting him to be surprised." There was a short silence as Peter thought about this, then he spoke up.

"Look, Clare, if KC makes you happy... maybe it'll be good for you. Of course, you have to take into consideration why you two broke up..." He looked at me expectantly and I gave him a disgruntled look.

"He left me for some bitchy cheerleader. I guess I should've expected it, he was the type to only go for the popular bleach-blonde girls. But I fooled myself. But it's not his fault. So... maybe you're right."

I smiled a little, and he returned it as I got up. "Thank you. I gotta get home, but I'll talk to you later?"

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Hey KC, I was thinking, you wanna come over tonight? My mom won't be getting home till almost eight, so we'll have plenty of time to hang beforehand." I gave him a peppy smile, which he quickly returned.

"I'd love to, Clare. But... does this mean we're dating?" He looked at me hopefully, and I looked back skeptically.

"Let's just see how it plays out." I smirked, and he smiled sheepishly. Obviously, we knew who wore the pants in this relationship... friendship... thing. "Meet me at the front door after school."

He nodded, and we stared at each other for a moment, breathing heavily. He leaned down hesitantly, and I closed my eyes in anticipation as he closed the distance between us. We were both still for a second before he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss, and ran his tongue along my lower lip, causing me to jolt backward.

"Um... we... uh, we should get to class." He agreed awkwardly, and we both went our separate ways, me blushing and him keeping his eyes on the ground.

**-!-!-!-!-**

"That was close, Blue Eyes," Eli smirked as I rushed in just in time for the bell to ring out.

"Shut up," I snapped, making him look at me suspiciously, and I stuck out my tongue.

"Real mature, Clare. So, who were you at the Dot with yesterday? You two looked pretty... chummy." His eyes were narrowed a little, even though he had no reason to be jealous.

"Peter? He's my sister's ex-boyfriend, and he's like 19. I don't think you have anything to worry about." I shook my head, giggling as he became visibly frustrated. "Why?" I asked, leaning closer, "Jealous?"

He snorted, turning back around in his seat, and replied, "You wish."

**Yes, I know it's short, but it's kind of a filler, next chapter will be longer. :)**


	4. Chapter 4: Gorgeous Nightmare

**This chapter is named after a song by Escape the Fate.**

**Chapter Four: Gorgeous Nightmare**

"Clare, I need to know now. I'm not going to let myself fall for you if you won't date me."

"Okay. Then we're dating." I had to admit I felt bad for using him, but he would never have to know.

"Oh. Well. Great!" His smile was pretty creepy, but I accepted the hand he held out to me, ignoring the looks Adam and Eli gave me as we walked past them.

"So, you should come over Friday night. My mom's shift doesn't end till midnight, so we'd have plenty of time to ourselves..." I knew what he wanted, but played dumb, smiling at him innocently and agreeing. We kissed quickly as we reached my first period class, and he shot me a lovesick smile before walking away.

**-!-!-!-!-**

"You're _not _serious." KC had just gotten up to get lunch, and I turned to see Jenna looking at me with a disgusted look. "He got me pregnant, so he has to go back to his second option."

Shocked, I stayed quiet for a moment, but eventually stood up about 5 inches away from her. "If I was really his second option, he would've stayed with you. You're the one who was too stupid to use protection."

I felt a short stillness before a hand slapped across my face, and my reflexes kicked in immediately, punching her. She held a hand to her cheek in surprise, then ran at me, grabbing my hair in each hand. I pushed her away easily. "If you fight with me, your baby could die. It's not worth it."

I turned back to the table, where KC sat, open mouthed. "Oh, come on," I said cheerily, "Don't tell me you didn't expect that." But I was having trouble suppressing my irritation.

"Clare, can I talk to you?" I let out a frustrated sigh and glared at Eli, who just raised his eyebrows.

"Fine." I looked at KC apologetically and leaned in for a kiss, but Eli grabbed my arm and dragged me to the nearest stairway.

"You shouldn't be dating him, Clare." I was leaning against the door to the auditorium, and he took a step closer. "Is he really worth it? He broke your heart, and Jenna's clearly not over him. Who's to say he won't do it again?"

"I can't trust _you _any more." I stared into his eyes defiantly.

"But you can." I could feel his breath on my face now. "I love you, Clare." Suddenly his lips were pressed against my neck, and I froze in fear. But when his lips reached mine, I felt myself melt into him unwillingly.

"Eli, stop," I gasped half-heartedly, but he just pressed himself closer against me. He shoved his tongue into my mouth, and I strained to pull my head away. "I have a boyfriend, Eli."

"He doesn't have to know." He reached behind me and opened the door, guiding me into the empty auditorium while still kissing me. He pushed me gently onto the floor in the back, dropping onto his knees above me. "You can't deny that you want this, Clare," he said, leaning to my ear as he whispered my name, then softly moved his lips against mine.

I lifted a hand to his chest and pushed violently, scrambling to my feet and holding back tears. "I can't do this." I ran out the auditorium door and after a few minutes of jogging, out the front door.

**-!-!-!-!-**

I raised a trembling hand to the doorbell and pushed weakly, quickly wiping the tears that stained my cheeks.

"Clare? What are you doing here? He motioned for me to come in, and I did, standing in the entryway awkwardly.

"Remember when Darcy left? And you told me if I ever needed help I could come to you?" He nodded and wrapped an arm around me.

"What's wrong?" I held a hand over my mouth, trying to smother the sobs.

"I messed up, Peter. Really badly." He led me to his couch, letting me curl up and lie against his shoulder.

"I doubt it's as bad as you think. What happened?" He pulled me closer, tightening his grip on me, as my crying became harder.

"Let's see," I choked out, but it seemed like a bunch of strangled noises to me, "I started dating my ex when I'm in love with my other ex, which angered my ex's ex, then made out with the ex I'm in love with. Was that confusing?"

"A little... too many exes. Could you maybe use names...?"

I nodded and took a deep breath, readying myself to pour my heart out.

**Yes, yes, it's short, but chapter five WILL be posted tomorrow unless some kind of terrible tragedy happens. And chapter five will be a lot longer and a lot more dramatic, this chapter was honestly just setting up for the next chapter. **


	5. Chapter 5: Firework

**I know I said I'd update the day after I posted Chapter Four, but... I lied. Anyway, here it is.**

**This chapter is named after a Katy Perry song, and if any of you haven't seen the video for it you should because there's hot gay kissing, fireworks exploding out of boobs, a heartbreaking cancer patient, and an adorably protective older brother.**

**Chapter Five: Firework**

I felt the cold wall on my back as KC shoved me against it and furiously sucked on my face. I couldn't deny how awkward it was, but... I kind of liked it. I kind of liked KC in general. And I was scared.

"I love you, Clare," his words were gasped, but breathtakingly sincere. I tried my best to keep my heart rate and breathing steady.

"I love you, too." My lie was quickly covered by more kisses, becoming more passionate with every second. But as his hand slowly floated down to rest on my belt, I pushed him away lightly.

"Clare... you know I'm not going to hurt you." He slowly slid his finger into my belt loop and pulled my hips close to him, his breath heavy on my lips.

"It's not you, it's just... you know I'm waiting." We stared silently into each other's eyes, each pleading our own case. Eventually, he sighed and placed a light kiss on my forehead, wrapping his arms around me and rocking back and forth.

I tried to suppress the little girl inside of me that had always wanted this – to be held and cherished. I couldn't let myself get too caught up in KC... it was dangerous. Our moment was broken by the ringing of a phone, and KC reluctantly pulled away.

"Hello? ...At Clare's house, why? ...You're _what? _...Okay, okay, I'll- ...I'll be right there." He snapped the phone shut and looked at me with bewilderment saturating his gaze, and suddenly it clicked.

"Oh my God, Jenna's having the baby?" He just nodded, his eyes still crazed, and began searching for his keys, which I quickly found and threw to him.

"Will you come with me?" He had his hand on the doorknob now, and he asked me over his shoulder.

"I don't know... Jenna shouldn't have any more stress than she already does."

"I can't do this alone, Clare!" I could see he was on the verge of a breakdown, and while I hated to admit it, I really did care about him.

"Fine. Let's go."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"KC!" Another bloodcurdling pregnant scream ripped through her, and she noticeably dug her nails into KC's palm. "Why is _she _here?" She spat out between contractions, and KC and I shared an awkward look.

"Don't worry about that now," I said calmly, walking closer towards her, "Just focus on getting the baby out of you, this is probably unpleasant enough already."

She gave me a wary look, but stayed quiet, squeezing her eyes shut and pressing her teeth deep into her lip.

"Just relax... well, as much as you can while having a baby." The glare she shot me was half-hearted, but it cold easily have just been softened by the pain she was feeling. "Think of it this way – soon, you're going to have an amazing, beautiful baby, and no one but you will be able to say she shoved it out of her. It's worth it, right?" She smiled slightly through the tears, but it was soon erased as she screamed again.

"I'm sorry, only the baby's family members are allowed in the room right now." I looked up at the nurse, annoyed, and saw that Jenna's expression almost matched mine.

"She's my sister," Jenna gasped, and I tried my best to nod convincingly. The nurse turned her head to KC.

"I'm the father." She looked suspiciously down at his hand, which was linked with mine, but shook her head, obviously not wanting details.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, guys," I said quietly, trying not to disturb Jenna, whose pain had obviously increased. I stopped for a second at the door to look back at them and heard KC whispering.

"It's going to be okay, Jenna." He brushed her hair out of her eyes, and I couldn't help but smile. "This baby is going to be beautiful, just like you. You're going to be a great mother."

**-!-!-!-!-**

I watched as Jenna wrote the name in neat, fluid lettering. _Taryn Emily Middleton. _

"That name is beautiful," I breathed, barely paying attention as I watched KC cradle the baby in his arms. "He's pretty good with the baby, eh?"

"Yeah, but don't get any ideas." We laughed, but her face quickly became more serious. "Thank you. I don't think I would've gotten through this without you. KC was no help, he could barely control _himself_."

"It's no problem. I'm glad I could help. And Jenna..." She looked up at me, and I caught her gaze and swallowed. "I know our friendship kind of ended, um, badly, but... I'm completely confident that you can take care of this baby. So good luck. And if you ever need help or a babysitter, just call me."

I walked over to KC, standing a few feet away until he looked up. "I can't believe I'm a father."

"I can't believe I'm a... almost-stepmother." He looked up through his eyelashes, and suddenly he smiled.

"Why don't you be an _actual _stepmother?" He grinned excitedly, and I blinked, my mouth hanging open.

"Um... uh, what?" I was still blinking, and sputtering incoherently.

"Clare, will you marry me? I know it's um, rash, and we've only been dating a few weeks, but I've loved you since we started dating last year, and I never really stopped."

"KC, I'm 15. You're 16. We haven't even been dating for three weeks. To put this as nicely as I can... that's the stupidest idea I have ever heard."

"Well we wouldn't get married now! We could wait a few years, get married after we graduate." He took one hand off of Taryn and placed it on my shoulder.

"Uh... okay, I see how that might sound like a good idea, but how do we know we'll still be together then? It's just not logical to make plans like this right now."

"Yeah, I know." He looked dejected, but at least he was being realistic now. I lifted myself onto my toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

"You're going to be an amazing father, you know."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"So, you and KC..." There was an awkward silence that involved him averting his gaze and me running my hands through my hair before I replied.

"Yeah... uh, yeah, we're dating... So um, do you have your eye on anyone?" _I don't care, I don't care, I don't care..._

"Well, actually... I am dating someone." I made my eyes light up curiously.

"Really? Who?" I gave the little half-smile that I would give to Alli or Adam when asking this same question.

"Well..." He looked down at his lap, seemingly embarrassed. "Adam."

The smile stayed locked in place for a minute as I sat there frozen, my eyes conveying my disbelief. When I was finally able to speak, I had trouble finding words. "What... Adam?" My expression was a mixture of shock and dismay, and I tried to compose myself. "Well, uh, I'm... happy for you guys?"

"I mean, he's kind of a girl... right?" I could see the conflict in his eyes and smiled.

"Does it matter? If you like him, you like him. Forget labels." He smiled back and nodded a little.

"You know what? You're absolutely right."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Hey, Clare, what's up?"

"Not much, you?" I peeked at him around the door of my locker, looking at him speculatively.

"Not much." I stared as he pulled his Biology textbook out of his locker and leaned down to pick up a worksheet that had fallen out. He saw me looking as he stood back up and raised an eyebrow.

"Something wrong?" He searched himself to see if something was askew. "Do I have something in my teeth...?"

"No, no. Just..." I ran my tongue along my teeth as I searched for the best way to approach this, and decided to do it directly. "I had an interesting conversation with Eli today."

"Um. And what was this conversation about?" He spoke awkwardly and his eyes dashed away from mine.

"You dating him."


	6. Chapter 6: Five Minutes To Midnight

**Okay, so you know how everyone naturally takes lots of pauses when they talk? Yeah, well it looks awkward as hell in writing, I've noticed in the past few chapters that I use way too many ...s. And this chapter has em too, so... deal.**

**This chapter is named after a song by Boys Like Girls.**

**Chapter Six: Five Minutes To Midnight**

"What? Dating? I-I'm not dating him!" I gave him a doubtful look, and he gave me a persuasive one.

"Adam, I don't think Eli is the type of guy to tell someone he's gay just for the hell of it." I put my hands on my hips and tilted my head, staring him down cynically.

"He's not doing it just for the hell of it!" I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows at how defensive he was getting. He placed a hand on each shoulder and shook me lightly. "Are you really that stupid, Clare?"

"I'm not stupid!" I shouted, yanking myself from his grip, "You're the one who can't even tell the truth about his relationships!"

"I _am _telling you the truth! Clare, he's trying to make you jealous!" I stood frozen for a second, then swayed into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't mean to be such a bitch. I just... things have been stressful lately." I sat down slowly on the ledge underneath the window across the hallway. "...I thought Eli was over me. I know it's only been a few weeks since we broke up, but... he seemed completely fine."

"He had to act, Clare, for you." He sat down next to me, laying a hand lightly on my shoulder. "You just ran off with KC, the guy was heartbroken. And if his lying makes you feel better... it makes him feel better, too."

"Adam, I think I dating KC was a huge mistake." I turned to lean back against the wall and sighed. "I only did it to try to get Eli to move on... but now I think I kind of like him. And now I don't know who I like more. I just... don't want to hurt anyone."

"So you have to choose between the guy who broke your heart for some whore and the guy who genuinely loves you?" His gaze was devastating, so I closed my eyes.

"It's harder than it sounds." He nodded and gave me a sympathetic look. "Thank you, Adam. Now if you don't mind... I need to go talk to Eli."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Elijah, what is _wrong _with you? Who would lie about something like that?" I clenched my fists together, trying my hardest not to slap him.

"Well, hello to you too, Blue Eyes." He looked up at me, and I had to turn my head away from his dancing green eyes. "Now, what's the problem?"

"The problem is that you told me you're gay – and dating _Adam, _of all people, and you're not! Why would you lie to me?" I tried to disguise it with anger and frustration, but I honestly was hurt. "I thought we were friends. And _just _friends, so why are you trying to make me jealous?"

He stayed silent the whole time, his sparkling eyes turning dull and drifting to the tiled floor. "Is that what Adam told you?" I nodded furiously. "Well, it's not true," he said quietly, standing up, "But believe what you want." I glared at his back as he wandered lifelessly down the hallway.

I _would _believe what I want, and I wanted to believe Adam! Why would I believe the guy who told me we could be together then tore my heart out over my best friend, the one who's never hurt me? That's right, I wouldn't. And if he can't understand that, that's his problem, not mine.

What? No, I'm not bitter, that's crazy.

...Shut up.

"Damn you, Elijah."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Hello?"

"Peter, if you were dating a girl who liked you, but may or may not like someone else, what you want her to do?" I dug the nails of my fingernails into the palm of the hand that wasn't holding a phone to my ear.

"Well... uh..." He seemed confused and tired, like he'd just gotten up – which was a possibility, even if it was 3 pm. "I'd want her to just be honest with me, and tell me we needed a break or something."

"But wouldn't that hurt you?" I was desperate, and I put it on speakerphone so I could lean back on the couch and just focus on taking deep breaths.

"Yeah... I guess." He still sounded groggy, and I heard him stifle a yawn. "But it would be better then finding out later when she breaks up with me and shows up the next day with a different guy."

"Oh my God..." I murmured, leaning forward to bury my head in my hands. "That's exactly what I did to Eli, isn't it?"

"No... but that's probably what he thinks you did," he admitted. I fell back down onto my back and sighed heavily.

"I need to make things right. But one way or another, someone's gonna get hurt... I'm such a terrible person," I groaned, flipping over and banging my head into the pillow.

"Clare, no one can be happy all the time. You're 15, just worry about your own happiness right now and everyone else can worry about their own."

"...You're right. I'm being stupid. Thank you, Peter."

"No problem. Bye, Clare." I stayed quiet until I heard the click that signaled that he'd hung up.

"If only it was that easy..."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"So what movie do you want to watch?" He stared at me expectantly, and my breath caught in my throat. I checked the time – 11:55. My dad was still gone, and my mom was doing something for work and wouldn't be home until 7 in the morning. We had plenty of time.

"You know, I could think of some things we could do that would a lot more fun..." I said quietly, walking towards him in what I hoped was a seductive manner, and it apparently worked.

"Oh really? And what might these 'things' be?" He leaned down for a kiss, and I placed a finger to his mouth, sitting down on the couch and crossing my legs.

"Come find out." I was completely aware that making out with KC was just a filler, something to take my mind off of the fact that I wasn't really in love with him and we honestly had nothing to talk about.

He sat next to me, leaning over to kiss me, and I hooked a finger around the collar of his shirt to pull him closer. I leaned back, letting him settle himself on top of me.

"Clare," he whispered breathlessly, "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this. I don't know if, uh, God would approve." I pulled him back down towards me, pushing my lips onto his and letting them linger there.

"Fuck God," I replied, slowly moving my fingers to the hem of his shirt.


	7. Chapter 7: How to Save a Life

**This chapter is named after a song by The Fray.**

**Chapter Seven: How to Save a Life**

I stretched my arms above my head, blinking a few times to clear my vision and seeing KC sitting on the other end of the couch, smiling a little. "Oh shit," I whispered as I realized what had happened the night before. "Oh my God. Fuck!" I brought my knees to my chest and banged my head against them twice, then buried my head in my hands.

"Clare? What's wrong?" The small smile had faded into a worried frown.

"KC, I didn't mean for things to go that far with us. I don't know what I was thinking last night." I kept my face hidden, and my voice was muffled.

"What are you talking about, Clare? _You're _the one who wanted to do it. You said it was fine." He pulled me up so I was sitting straight and I was looking at him.

"I need to tell you something, KC. Not sure how you're gonna take it." I was trying to look away, feeling panic start to rise in my chest, but his face was in mine. His breath was hot and sticky, and I had to pull away, to stand up. I began pacing in front of the couch. "I like you, I do. But when I started dating you... I didn't. At all. Honestly, I was still kind of pissed at you. I was only dating you because I wanted to force Eli to forget about me and move on."

I let out a sigh that was somewhere between anxious and relieved. "Clare... are you sure that's the only reason?" He looked upset, but it seemed like he'd been expecting this, or at least something like this.

"Of course. What other reason would I have?" A thousand other reasons raced through my head, but I ignored them, looking at KC and trying to seem perplexed.

"I think _you _were trying to move on, or make him jealous or something. I was kind of suspicious at first, but... I thought we actually had something." He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "I can't believe I proposed to you. Damn, that's embarrassing."

"Don't worry about it. So are we okay?" I gave him my puppy dog face, pouting and looking at him through my eyelashes.

"We're good." He wrapped his arms around me, and I smiled. Maybe things would work out now.

**-!-!-!-!-**

I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out of my pocket.

_**Clare, please come over NOW. This is serious.**_

I was walking home, but I looked around and realized I was only a couple of blocks from Adam's house, and picked up my pace, almost running to his house.

"Clare, you're here," he breathed. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and a feeling of dread set in.

"Oh God, Adam, what's wrong?" He grabbed my wrist lightly and pulled me inside. I followed him up the stairs and into his room. When we sat down on the edge of the bed, it was silent, and I could hear the unsteady rhythm of his breathing.

"Eli tried to kill himself. He's in the hospital." I tried to keep control, but I felt dizzy, and even though I was sitting down I felt myself staggering. "They aren't letting anyone in except family right now, but I thought you might want to come with me on Wednesday."

"Wednesday? That's in four days! How bad was it?" My head was numb but impossibly busy at the same time. The room seemed smaller than it had, and I took deep breaths, trying to come back to earth.

"He slit his wrists... pretty badly. If his parents had found him a couple minutes later, he could've been dead." I felt myself collapse, and and arms that were strong for a girl but weak for a boy caught me.

"Could've been dead. Could've been. But he isn't. So... everything's okay, right?" My voice broke on 'okay', and I bit down hard on my lip, trying not to cry.

"He's going to need some serious help. But for now, it is." I let out a shaky breath and he tightened his grip on me. "Clare, it's okay to cry. It's better than letting it bottle up."

A small sob forced itself out of me as if on cue, and before we knew it we were both weeping in each other's arms.

**Oh my God. This is so short. It really is. I had another plotline for this chapter but with the way I had it set up, I realized it wouldn't work. So yeah, review please, I'll have chapter 8 up ASAP. :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Dare You to Move

**Okay, I know it's been weeks since I updated, but in my defense, I haven't been allowed online. I feel so bad because that was probably the first story I've ever updated regularly and I went and got grounded. But it'll still be updated often after this, I promise!**

**This chapter is named after a song by Switchfoot. **

**Chapter Eight: Dare You To Move**

"Eli." I whispered, but his eyes fluttered open nonetheless. "Oh God, Eli. I'm so glad you're okay." I debated hugging him, but decided against it since that would mean practically laying on top of him.

"Why do you care anyway? You left me." His voice was quiet, but the pain in it was evident. "Everyone left me. Julia, then you, then Adam..."

"Julia died. She didn't want to leave you, Eli. I bet she loved you as much as you love her. I only left you because I knew you needed more time." I sat on the edge of his hospital bed and ran my fingers softly through his hair. "I would never have left you if I'd known what it would do... to both of us."

"If it hurt you too, why did you do it in the first place?" He sat up and balanced himself on his hands.

"I thought it was the best way... to save our relationship. I wasn't thinking straight. I'm sorry, Eli." I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck and he gripped my waist tightly.

"You wanted to save our relationship, so you ran off with KC?" he breathed into my ear, sending chills down my spine. "That's some fucked up logic." He pulled away, clearly annoyed.

There was a short silence, and when I opened my mouth to speak, tears dripped into my mouth – I guess I'd been thinking about all that had happened with me and KC. "I was trying to get you to move on. And I guess you did, but me and KC... God, that was stupid. I've made way too many mistakes."

"You know, I can't help but wonder what would've happened if you'd never left me... but I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?" He chuckled darkly and smirked.

"Sure..." I muttered, lost in thought. What _would _have happened? Would we still be together? Ignorance is bliss, right? I had to face it – Eli and I never really knew each other that well. He didn't know the side of me that ran off and fucked a guy after dating him a couple weeks, and I didn't know the side of him that was, well, gay. "Adam's here, too. And Eli? Hear him out. Don't worry about what he told me – I can tell he really likes you."

"Are you sure?" He looked at me skeptically, and I smiled. "Why is he ashamed to be with me then?"

"Adam cried for hours when he found out about... this, Eli. He's not ashamed of _you, _he's ashamed of himself." I stood up and walked to the door. "He already has to put up with being ridiculed for being transgender, he didn't want to add that on top of it."

"Thank you, Clare." His dazzling green eyes bored into mine.

"I'll go get Adam."

**-!-!-!-!-**

I woke up at 6 AM to my stomach lurching, and barely made it to the bathroom. Damn it, was I getting sick?

I suppressed the urge to vomit again as I realized what day it was – March 23rd. The 23rd. My period was five days late, later than it had ever been for more than a year. "Shit!" Hadn't KC used protection? _Okay, Clare, calm down. Give it two more days, then take a test. _I took a few deep breaths, then leaned over the toilet as I puked again.

**-!-!-!-!-**

I had my eyes closed tight, still sitting on the toilet cover. Had it been three minutes yet? I opened one eye slowly, then the other snapped open. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was negative.

But I didn't trust just one – and quickly took the second. Positive. "Fuck."

I pressed two on my phone's speed dial, and wiped the tears from my eyes, trying to sound strong. "Peter, can you drive me to the doctor's?" I asked, my voice quivering a little.

"What? The doctor? Are you okay?" I took a deep breath and readied myself, not sure if he'd be angry or supportive. Either way, he was the only one I could turn to right now.

"Um. No, not really. I... I think I'm pregnant." Silence completely surrounded me, and I rocked back and forth. "Peter?" I heard a shaky breath on the other end, but he still didn't talk. "You hate me, don't you? You think I'm a whore."

"No, no, Clare... Of – of course I'll take you to the doctor." I held back tears, but as I took another deep breath I could barely contain the sobs. "It's okay, Clare. Uh, why don't you come over? We can talk in person." I agreed quickly and washed my face before waiting for him to come pick me up.

The drive was overwhelmingly silent at first, but I could see a million questions written on his face. Tension hung in the air between us, and eventually he sighed and began to ask. "So... you had sex."

"No, Peter. I impregnated myself." At least I had enough control to be sarcastic, but it was laced with a bitterness that was unusual for me. "Yes, I had sex. And it was stupid, I know, so you don't have to lecture me."

"I wasn't going to lecture you." He took one hand off the wheel and took mine in it, squeezing. "I'm not disappointed in you, Clare. You're a teenager, it's not like you can be expected to not have sex. I guess I'm just... surprised."

"Guess Saint Clare isn't so saintly," I muttered, looking out the window at the rain.

"Saint Clare?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and not trying too hard to hide his amusement.

"Never mind. Just a nickname." KC's nickname for me, to be exact.

"So Clare, if you don't mind me asking... who's the father?" The fact that he had every reason to ask that question almost made me burst into tears. Of course he had to ask, there was more than one possibility. God, am I really that much of a slut?

"KC. Eli has a boyfriend now, so sex with him isn't really an option." I had to laugh at that statement, as painful as this situation was. Peter gave me a weird look, but I just shook my head. "Don't ask."

We got to his house then, but things just got more awkward. He'd have to talk to me, and I'd have to make decisions that I didn't really want to think about. I'd known I was pregnant for less than a day and I was already sick of it. This was going to be _so _fun.

"So have you... decided anything?" He clearly wasn't sure what to say, but then again, neither was I. Damn, I wish I'd thought of all this beforehand.

"I took the test half an hour ago. Hell, I'm not even sure I'm pregnant!" I couldn't keep myself from crying now, and I was tired of trying, so I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my head in them. "I can't do this."

"Calm down, Clare." He untangled me and put his arm around me, and I tried to dry my eyes so I wouldn't stain his shirt. "You _can _do this. I know it's scary, but you can do this. You don't have to make any decisions now."

"But what if I can't decide until it's too late?" _Too late for what? _I wasn't sure.

"You've got plenty of time. Don't worry." I could tell from his voice that he wasn't as sure as he was trying to seem, but he was the only hope I had, so I would cling to it. I looked up at him through the tears that had collected in my eyelashes.

"Thank you, Peter." He didn't respond, instead just looked at me. We stayed like this for what seemed like hours, until I felt a surge of courage, and before I even realized what I was doing, kissed him.

"Oh shit."


	9. Chapter 9: Young Girl

**I don't actually know how old Peter is, but I'm making him 19 for this, even though he's probably older.**

**Chapter Nine: Young Girl**

"Whoa..." His hands were up next to his face, which showed clearly how frazzled he was, and honestly, I was too. I had no idea what had come over me – I just knew that I had liked it.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Peter." I couldn't quite judge his reaction, and I couldn't think of anything to do but apologize, even if it wasn't quite the right thing to do in this situation.

"Do you... like me, Clare?" He sounded interested, but not exactly happy. Then again, he didn't sound disgusted, so that was a plus. I decided to be brave and just say what was on my mind, even if it would probably end up backfiring.

"I think I've been fooling myself all along." I had kept my head down, but looked up and straight into his eyes as I said the rest. "I don't like KC or Eli. I like _you._"

"Clare..." his tone was tinged with sympathy, and I cut him off.

"No, it's okay, I know you don't like me, I really shouldn't have said that..." I trailed off as he grabbed my arm and turned me toward him.

"It's not that I don't like you, Clare, but... you're 15." Like I hadn't already considered that. And he was only 19... "I'm 4 years older than you."

"So? My dad's 9 years older than my mom." I tried my best not to sound too upset – acting young would certainly not help my case. "Besides, we both know I'm mature for my age."

"Your mom isn't 15. And you being mature doesn't make it legal," he said sternly, keeping his gaze on me although I avoided him.

"It's not like we'd be having sex," I snapped, failing miserably at not sounding upset, "And it wouldn't be serious anyway."

"I'm sorry, Clare," he replied, finally turning away from me. I took this opportunity to quietly make my way to the door, although he protested when he noticed.

"Clare, it's raining," he said, trying to sound like the big brother he used to be.

"I can deal with it," I muttered as I opened the door and wished for the rain to wash me away.

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Clare?" I heard bags dropping and twirled around to see my mother gasping. I looked frantically between her and the handful of pills I was holding, trying to appear calm and think of an excuse. "What are you doing with those?"

"Um, I had a headache. They all poured out of the bottle, I was just about to put them back." I was a terrible actress, and we both knew it. I could see my mom's eyes flicker from confused to concerned.

"Clare, why would you do this?" She took the pills from my hand and put them back in the bottle. Both of us were shaking, and I let her take me in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry." It had been a stupid idea, yet it still seemed so tempting. But seeing my mom's face... I was debating whether it was worth it. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Clare. I'll get you help." I froze at that, and weaved out of her embrace. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean by 'help'?" I asked suspiciously, taking a small step back. This was not good. "Like a therapist? I'm not crazy, Mom."

"I know, honey, I didn't say that." There she goes, playing the I-just-want-to-help-you act that every damn person on this planet played. "But you were going to kill yourself! You can't get through this alone."

"I have friends, Mom. Adam, Alli, Peter... I can talk to them." I realized I'd left out Eli a little too late, but I doubted she would notice. "I'll be fine, I promise!"

"Can't you talk to _me_?" she asked almost silently, and I almost broke down at the pain in her eyes. "You need to tell me why you wanted to do this, Clare."

"I messed up, Mom. But I can't tell you, you'd hate me." She wiped the tears that were now flowing freely away from my eyes and slowly shook her head.

"I could never hate you, you're my daughter!" I started crying harder now, collapsing into her. I wasn't crying out of pain as much as I was out of relief now. Before I knew it, I was pouring my heart out.

"Eli's gay and he's dating Adam and then I had sex with KC and I'm pregnant and then I kissed Peter and – and-" I broke off from my rambling and almost choked on my words. "And Dad's gone. I can't handle it all."

To my surprise, she didn't shove me away, scream at me, or disown me, but instead pulled me tighter into her arms. "We'll get you to a doctor soon. It'll be okay, I promise."

"Mom... I know abortion's pretty much murder, but..." I shook my head, hoping she would get my point. I couldn't handle a baby, emotionally or physically. I didn't want to kill a helpless fetus, but I was already alive, wasn't my life more important?

"It's okay, Clare. It's your body, and if that's your decision, I'm happy." I looked up at her and smiled, actually genuinely smiled. It seemed far-fetched, but she made me believe happiness was possible.

"Thank you, Mom." I snuggled closer into her and closed my eyes, hoping some rest would stop the throbbing in my head.

"Now, about therapy..." I stood up as if it were a reflex, already heading to the door. "Clare!"

"No way. I'm going to Peter's." Okay, I hadn't really thought that through, but it was better than staying here and talking about... the t word.

"Won't that be a little awkward?" she called as I walked through the front door, and we both chuckled a little.

"Definitely."


	10. Chapter 10: It Ends Tonight

**This is the last chapter, so I hope I did a semi-okay job of closing it. :)**

**Chapter Ten: It Ends Tonight**

"Clare?" I avoided his eyes, looking at the cement doorstep I was standing on. "Uh, come in." I did what he said, still keeping my gaze on the ground. This was so much more awkward than I thought it would be, and so much more painful. This was supposed to make me feel better, he was supposed to be my... my therapy. "So, why are you here?"

"I have nowhere else to go. Eli's in the hospital, Adam has enough to deal with, and my mom... well, she'd try to talk to me. About _therapy_. And I can't deal." I realized soon after that I'd said too much, and I opened my mouth to speak and try to cover up what I'd revealed, but of course he cut me off.

"Therapy? For what?" I tried to shake my head, but I barely protested before he clamped his hand on my shoulder and gave me a look. "Clare. Therapy for _what?_"

I sighed, still resistant, but he shook me and I gave in. "She just... it's no big deal, she just walked in on me..." He raised his eyebrows, but I didn't continue, and it was his turn to sigh. I knew I was being difficult, but could I really let him know how devastated I was? My strong facade was slipping, and I was having trouble keeping a handle on my breathing.

"I could help you, Clare. But not if you don't talk to me." I barely heard him. I was too distracted by our proximity – just inches apart, my head tilted up, so close that if I just leaned forward I could press my lips to his and just forget about everything. Of course, that would have to involve his cooperation.

"She walked in on me about to kill myself. Is that what you want to hear, Peter? You want to know exactly how much of a weak little girl I really am?" My breathing was erratic now, and I could feel my cheeks getting damp, though I wasn't crying. Everything was spinning, and I wondered briefly if I was having a panic attack.

But everything was muffled when I felt arms wrap around me, and my mind debated whether I should feel comforted or claustrophobic. Instead of coming to a decision, it chose to shut down, and I vaguely noticed myself collapsing into Peter's embrace. I welcomed the relief of unconsciousness, even if I was only halfway there, and I let my eyes flutter closed and block out all of the blurred light that was giving me a headache.

The first thing I did when I slowly broke through the static was check the clock – 8:17. It had been more than two hours since I'd gotten here, and Peter was nowhere to be seen. "Peter?" I had meant to call out, but it came out as more of a murmur. "Peter!" I said louder, but still weakly.

"Hey," he said, coming into the room with a glass of milk, "How are you feeling?" Looking around, I realized I was in his bedroom, and I'd been sleeping in his bed. Oh God, I'd been sleeping in his bed.

"Um... okay, I guess." I pushed myself up into a sitting position. "A little lightheaded." He handed me the glass, and I took a tentative sip, feeling it drip down my throat and through to my stomach, ice cold. "I guess passing out can do that to you."

"Clare," he said, his voice dropping an octave and becoming more serious suddenly, "You know we need to talk eventually. We may as well talk now."

"You trying to take advantage of me while I'm in this state?" I asked, only half-joking, but he laughed.

"If that's what it takes to get you to open up." I really, really did _not _want to open up, but something in his expression, the way he stared at me with concern sparkling in his eyes, made it seem easier. Not quite easy, but easier.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" I would say anything, and I mean anything, except what I knew he wanted to hear – if it was his fault. And it wasn't, not really. I probably wouldn't have considered suicide if he hadn't rejected me, but it was the stress in the long run that brought me down. It was my own cowardly mind that couldn't handle things.

He took a deep breath and chewed lightly on his lip (damn, that was hot) before replying, "Was it my fault?" I swallowed. I didn't know how to respond, so I stalled, buying time by taking a verrry slow sip of my milk.

And then suddenly, the reality hit me. Suicide – from the Latin word sua, referring to the self. _Self_. "No. No, it's not your fault. It's mine."

"How is this _your _fault?" He sat down on the edge of the bed, and I couldn't keep myself from staring hopelessly into his eyes. "It _is _my fault, isn't it? You're just trying to avoid telling me that."

"It's _not _your fault, Peter," I said breathlessly, putting my hand on his shoulder to keep him still. "I was stupid, and I'm just glad my mom found me before I made a huge mistake." It was kind of selfish, really – my only reason for regretting my suicidal intentions is that I wanted to spend more time with Peter. But he probably hated me, for falling for him, for drowning him with my dumb problems.

He shifted closer to me on his bed, shadowing his face almost eerily. "Clare, please don't ever do this again. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Why does it matter anyway? I'm just some stupid high schooler who made the mistake of falling for you. You'd probably be better off." It was true. A part of me wanted him to contradict me, to tell me I meant something to him, but it was true. I was just a silly little girl that he'd been stuck with. Suddenly, I felt like a ten-year-old caught in a thunderstorm without her mother, scared and forced to seek refuge from someone who felt obligated to help her.

He was quiet and refused to look at me. I threw the covers off, ready to leave and save myself the embarrassment of another rejection, but he grabbed my arm (a little roughly, actually, but I ignored that) and I had to hold myself back from staring at him hopefully. "I am in love with you, Clare. It may be wrong, and this might not work out great, but that doesn't matter to me right now. What matters is that you're alive, and with me, and -and..."

"And I'm yours," I finished for him, secretly worried that I would sound desperate. But he smiled and nodded a little bit, standing up and pulling me with him. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, and I could've stayed there forever if he hadn't pulled me closer and kissed me.

"Damn, it feel nice when you actually let me kiss you," I said, not giving him time to answer before I pressed my lips to his again. "Oh, and I love you."

**-!-!-!-!-**

"Clare, can we talk before we go in?" I let my hand drop from the doors of the hospital and turned to face Adam, nodding. "I'm dating Eli." He seemed confused when I laughed and a smile stretched across my face.

"I know, Adam." He obviously didn't know how to react, so I sat down on the low brick wall encasing the stairs and motioned for him to sit next to me. "Did you really think I would care? I have no problem with you being gay."

He huffed, and I raised an eyebrow, perplexed as to why this would frustrate him. "I'm _not _gay. Why does everyone just assume I'm gay because I'm dating a guy? And before you try to fix yourself, I'm not bi, either."

I wasn't sure what was left. He definitely wasn't straight. "So what are you, asexual? I'm not a mind reader, Adam."

"I'm pansexual." I nodded slowly, attempting to look like I had any idea what that was. "It means I like people regardless of their gender, or gender identity. Girls, guys, hermaphrodites, aliens... Okay, not aliens."

"So, bisexual, but hermaphrodites too?" I loved Adam, and I was trying to be supportive, but I was a little weirded out by all of this.

"Not exactly." I groaned internally – it got even more complicated? "Surprisingly, a lot of bisexuals wouldn't date a transgender, and even less would date a transvestite." I sat there, waiting for him to explain, then realized he was looking at me expectantly.

I tried to form an intelligent response, but the best I could come up with was, "I don't know what a transvestite is." He chuckled, patting my shoulder, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "So are you going to tell me?"

"No. You don't need to know." I glared, but he just stood up and walked over to the door. "So we're still cool? Even though I like aliens and I probably go against every belief you've ever held?" I finally smiled, nodding and joining him by the door. "Then let's go."

"Are you and Eli still... okay?" I asked hesitantly, hoping the last week hadn't ruined their relationship. "I mean, obviously you're still dating, but... did you fix everything yesterday? When you talked to him?"

He told the receptionist who we were visiting and she sent us up, and he turned to me as we walked down the hall. "Yeah. I think... I think we all might actually be happy for once."

"Yeah," I replied, hiding a smile as I thought about my encounter with Peter the day before, "I think you're right." He smiled too, and grabbed my hand as he opened the door to Eli's room. I squeezed it quickly, but let him let go and lean forward to kiss Eli lightly. "I think you're absolutely right."

**So, I hope you all liked it. :) And it's up to you now – should there be a sequel? I have a couple of ideas for one, so if you do, don't forget to review and tell me :)**


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